At LOOKFANTASTIC we’re here to normalise the conversations around all things sex. However, we know it can be an uncomfortable topic to talk about or ask for advice, whether that be from a parent, friend, or expert. We sat down with sexperts Samantha Marshall and Cameron Long-Tel who answered your burning questions.
Samantha Marshall – Content & Community Manager for Smile Makers
We work with sex therapists, sexologists and health experts to create a safe, pleasure-positive space for our community!
‘I’ve never climaxed during sex, do you have any tips on how I can reach orgasm?’
Did you know that 60% of vulva owners in the UK say clitoral stimulation is key to climaxing during partnered sex? So, perhaps it’s your key to orgasm too. Especially if you’re having intercourse. A fun way to give your clitoris the focus it deserves is with a vibrator that both of you will be intrigued by, such as The Firefighter – a unique clit vibe that sends vibrations to the labia too for extra sensation. But remember, make space for your pleasure and sense during partner sex, and know that it’s not as easy to reach orgasm with a partner as movies make out! Knowing our own pleasure preferences, and communicating them through words or body language, will help.
‘How can you spice up your sex life when it starts to become boring?’
First things first, our sex life starts with ourselves. Sometimes we just need to switch mindset. If we consider sex to be both solo and partnered, we start to think about our sexual wellbeing differently. Rather than when was the last time you had (partnered) sex, ask when was the last time you orgasmed? Maybe more self-love is what you need.
But, if you are talking about sex life with a significant other, introducing toys is a no-brainer! Sex is a fun, beautiful thing. Yet, it’s easy to fall into a rhythm you both know works, and a vibrator can bring back the buzz of excitement. Literally!
‘Penetration is very painful for me, but the doctors said nothing's wrong, what can I do to make sex more comfortable?’
Many of us vulva owners experience pain during penetration, but that doesn’t mean we should settle for it! A common factor is lubrication, or lack of, which creates uncomfortable friction. Even when really aroused our vulva and vagina might not naturally lubricate, and this is normal. A water-based lubricant like Generous Gel makes penetration smooth and can be used with condoms.
Also consider spending some time exploring your body. We’ve had members of the Smile Makers community reach out to say that our beginner’s vibrator helped to find pleasure and comfort with penetration. Try a solo session that focuses on breathing and penetrating at your own pace; don’t forget the lube! Our sexual wellbeing plays a big role in our mental and emotional wellbeing, and vice versa – psychological factors can have physical symptoms. Vaginismus is one example of this, and something worth considering mentioning to a health expert.
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‘I feel like I'm just not interested in sex anymore. What is the best way to get your libido back?’
Discover yourself! Take the time for some solo-sex sessions, to find out what your pleasure preferences are right now – they change and re-exploring our bodies can reconnect us with our sexual selves. For arousal, try some erotica to ignite your imagination or stimulating erogenous zones in different ways. Add excitement with something new, like a suction toy. Rather than vibrating, air pulsation creates a unique sensation you may have never felt before. The Poet has squeeze sensors and three different shaped mouths to help you really personalise your pleasure!
'My boyfriend is too intimidated to use male sex toys, how can we introduce them into the bedroom?'
Like anything in partner sex, consent and communication is key. Frame it as an exciting opportunity; a way to share more intimate thoughts with each other. Suggest choosing one together to build anticipation and excitement. Find fun toys that don’t look intimidating and keep it playful. A tongue vibrator allows for erogenous exploration all over both your bodies. Discovering new ways to stimulate each other and giving your boyfriend a tool, like The French Lover that can be used by them or on them, could be a great gateway to more male sex toys, who knows!
'Should I always pee after penetrative sex? Or is that just a myth?'
Not a myth, but very sound advice to put into practice to help prevent urinary tract infections. UTIs can feel like a burning sensation whilst peeing, and an urge to pee lots.
'I've been using sex toys for a while with my partner, but I want to explore more advanced options, what do you recommend to take it up a notch?'
Two words. Suction. Toy. These mind-blowing alternatives to vibrators invite new, exciting sensations into partner sex. Designed to pulsate air on and around the external part of the clitoris, this type of stimulator can be titillating for all in involved – and pretty immersive for vulva owners. From a spoon position, to more of a doggy style – a palm-fit shape like The Poet makes it seamless for either of you to use. Plus, you can control the speed by squeezing the toy harder or softer, so you can both follow your instincts and not worry about lots of buttons.
Cameron Long-Tel - Sales & Business Development Manager at LELO
'I’ve never climaxed during sex, do you have any tips on how I can reach orgasm?’
First things first, masturbation and communication is key. Once you begin to understand what feels best for you; whether it be clitoral stimulation, penetration or anal play - you can bring this practice into the bedroom with your partner and explore together. This also will give you a sense of empowerment and give you the confidence to relax and enjoy your orgasm. A good place to start is by using LELO's Sila.
'How can you spice up your sex life when it starts to become boring?'
Well, trying new things is always the first step; but also understanding why and how it got to be at this point is important for sexual awareness and growth. If you are single, begin to explore kink and fetish. If married or coupled up, a mid-afternoon sexy voice note or pic can arouse the senses. Anticipation is the funnest part at times. Plan a weekend away that is just about being naked. LELO's Tiani 2 is the best toy to get the frisky back in your life.
'Penetration is very painful for me, but the doctors said nothing's wrong, what can I do to make sex more comfortable?'
YOU are the best advocate for your body and it's always good to get a second and third opinion if pain is persistent. There are underlying causes that can be treated. I recommend using the LELO Gigi 2 to begin with penetration exercises where you are in control. Additionally, using plenty of lubricant, LELO's Personal Moisturiser is water-based lubricant that mimic's our own body.
'I feel like I'm just not interested in sex anymore. What is the best way to get your libido back?'
Be kind to yourself. Start off by reading or listening to some auto-erotica. The mind is a powerful thing and fantasy can be very exciting. Book out 20 minutes a day to masturbate and positive body banter is also a best practice. Talk to your body and tell it how much you love it, how sexy it is and how it has served you well!
'My boyfriend is too intimidated to use sex toys, how can we introduce them into the bedroom?'
Again, the communication piece is so important. He needs to understand that toys are an accoutrement to your sexual life, not a replacement for him and his manhood. Start off first by masturbating in front of him. LELO's Sona 2 is perfect for this. It's beautiful, powerful and he will be very happy to watch you get-off.
‘My partner and I have a good sex life, but we lack intimacy. How else can I be intimate with them outside of sex?’
An exercise that has worked not only for myself but with much of my circle of influence is to sit back to back with your partner, pen and paper in hand and play a game. Ask questions - even dumb ones like "what is your favourite colour?". You may be surprised that tastes change and life moves so fast that these little things that drew you to each other become forgotten. Think of it like a treasure hunt and always make sure that you laugh your asses off and don't take it too seriously. You will find your serotonin levels will rise and you feel connected once again!
'Should I always pee after penetrative sex? Or is that just a myth?'
Peeing after sex is definitely not a myth. It is always a good idea to use the bathroom up to an hour after sex due to the fact that the body needs to flush out the bacteria's that may cause irritation or can lead to a UTI. Again, always listen to your body and what it needs and consult your GP should you have any issues.
'I still haven't told the person I'm dating that I am pansexual after 3 months. How can I spark the conversation?'
Congrats! Being confident in your sexual orientation is the first step to communicating with your partner. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Slowly invite them into the pieces of what makes you tick, turns you on, your kinks - fetishes. If they are unsure, be empathetic. 90 days is still a honeymoon phase - so the exploration is the best part.
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